An Alien Translation of the FOMC Policy Statement

This was in the inbox from a reader. I'm reluctant to post it, as I'm leaving on family fishing trip, but let the chips fall.

Dear Human friends and readers of one of your best blogs, Our ship continues to hover over Ecuador and observe you and your species reaction during your time of crisis. As usual we have a policy of non-interference. But after hearing your Federal Reserve Tribal Leader announcement this afternoon, we thought to translate its odd wording into language that we believe is a fairer interpretation of its actual meaning:

Federal Reserve Press Release

Release Date: August 12, 2009 For immediate release

Information received since the Federal Open Market Committee met in June suggests that economic activity is leveling out (The transfer of real goods to fewer people over a shorter time horizon via wishes by your leaders has so far not shaken the belief of the drone humans). Conditions in financial markets have improved further in recent weeks (Too, given that your financial shaman have promised around 200% of your annual Gross Domestic Products worth of nets of safety, this should come as no surprise, though the underlings who buy these Products may not be participating in the good craps run.). Household spending has continued to show signs of stabilizing but remains constrained by ongoing job losses, sluggish income growth, lower housing wealth, and tight credit. (In other words, subsidization of the underlings via handouts is working, but will need to continue indefinitely otherwise unpleasant natural forces will emerge.) Businesses are still cutting back on fixed investment and staffing but are making progress in bringing inventory stocks into better alignment with sales (There is significant need for long term fixed investment in your most important human needs: diverse energy and diverse food, but for now new 6,000 sf nests, salad shooters and other products are more important). Although economic activity is likely to remain weak for a time, the Committee continues to anticipate that policy actions to stabilize financial markets and institutions, fiscal and monetary stimulus, and market forces will contribute to a gradual resumption of sustainable economic growth in a context of price stability. (This is confusing, but we think it means your financial shamans fully expect worship, prime cuts of meat, and continued first choice of nubile women from the among the human underling distribution.)

The prices of energy and other commodities have risen of late.(This marginal signaling method used by your current culture will prove to be a grave error -the true prices of ancient sunlight should be an order of magnitude higher based on their real long term scarcity - it is the only signal humans will understand in order to construct a more peaceful, more durable longer term species.) However, substantial resource slack is likely to dampen cost pressures, and the Committee expects that inflation will remain subdued for some time. (This sounds like a vestigial sentence left over from the one they called Greenspinner.)

In these circumstances, the Federal Reserve will employ all available tools to promote economic recovery and to preserve price stability ((Fellow humans, it doesn't matter what happens, we will apportion the faith based trinkets where they are needed at all times, while real resources deplete.) The Committee will maintain the target range for the federal funds rate at 0 to 1/4 percent and continues to anticipate that economic conditions are likely to warrant exceptionally low levels of the federal funds rate for an extended period (Your leaders choose to ignore the doctors prognosis of 'debt addict' and cure your socio-economic disease with more hair of dog.) As previously announced, to provide support to mortgage lending and housing markets and to improve overall conditions in private credit markets, the Federal Reserve will purchase a total of up to $1.25 trillion of agency mortgage-backed securities and up to $200 billion of agency debt by the end of the year (We don't want to advertise we are actually on the hook for $26 trillion trinkets). In addition, the Federal Reserve is in the process of buying $300 billion of Treasury securities. To promote a smooth transition in markets as these purchases of Treasury securities are completed, the Committee has decided to gradually slow the pace of these transactions and anticipates that the full amount will be purchased by the end of October ((Just in case some of the wiser humans catch on to our illusion, we want some more dry powder in September to soak up some Treasury bond selling pressure.) The Committee will continue to evaluate the timing and overall amounts of its purchases of securities in light of the evolving economic outlook and conditions in financial markets (Remember when your ancestors worshipped Zeus? Well we are bigger!). The Federal Reserve is monitoring the size and composition of its balance sheet and will make adjustments to its credit and liquidity programs as warranted.(Ignore the hominid behind the green curtain.)

Your species has always walked the line between wonderful and rapacious. In a very real sense, the current battle between short term pain and long term gain in your economic system is a microcosm of the greater tragedy of the commons humankind faces with energy, natural resources and your environment. Each decision making today ‘better’ almost by definition makes the future ‘worse’. It is the nature of the human beast.

What you refer to as capitalism, at least in its early 21st century manifestation is a system which creates dissatisfaction while converting natural resources into garbage, in exchange for money which will be worthless when the natural resources are gone. It is also a ponzi scheme spanning generations. Your lifetimes are so short you don’t notice it as such until/unless the Madoff-moment happens on your watch, which from an outside observers perspective, is the early 21st century (now). Lack of equality among humans, digging holes in the ground with ever increasing overburdens, and creation from your shaman of promises based on paper and ink are all snowballing to make your situation more and more precarious. How many of your kind see that technology, while fricking clever, is accelerating both the speed at which you extract your one time endowments, as well as the speed with which your neural stylus plays over its mental grooves, faster and faster and faster. Listen to the music.

I wish you luck and courage. You will need both.

Ember Dyadicon

First Talosian

"Wrong thinking is punishable. Right thinking will be as quickly rewarded. You will find it an effective combination."

Yeah, go ahead and post that and then do a Pink Panther strategic exit stage left to go on a family fishing trip... Good Luck!

I left a copy of this transmission out by the hollow tree where the little people hang out on my place along with a shot glass of honey and whiskey.

Some time later they were laughing and rolling in the grass.

And guess what?When I went back for the glass,

They had left a note saying thanks for the drink,if you don't mind we 're saving it for tonight!

I'm not sure exactly what this signifies but either they are celebrating our demisetonight and want time to call in thier relatives(although they are on good terms with mepersonally) or they maybe they just think our predicament is so funny they laughed themselves silly and need a rest.

But you never can tell-they're kinda flighty and except for matters relating directly to thier survival,thier attention span is measured in minutes,max.


I have another note from the little people.

It could be that it is of questionable value,having passed thru the blue jays for sure and possibly other intermediaries as a sort of diplomatic communication,but the word is that the trolls to our west are pissed and no longer willing to retreat in front of the coal minersw/o a fight.

It is further reported that the trolls who formerly inhabited areas in and near oil fields didn't really care about the oil,as remiving it actually improves the local habitat from thier pov,are not happy for some reason which seems to have to do with EOR.Apparently they expected us to begone by now.

The trolls in the sandstone country where gas drilling is taking off are talking war,as they are a different species and seem to be allergic to some of the chemcals used by drillers.Sabotage or frontal attacks are a possibility.

The little people hate the trolls with a passion and never talk to them directly,so there is no way to check he reliability of these reports.The jays don't like me since I murdered some of them for making free with my sweet cherries and we are no longer on speaking terms.I have not yet made any real progress with any other local birds.The crows are great talkers but they won't talk to me either;I TOLD'EM Tto stay out of my new corn but they just wouldn't listen ,no better than the jays.

Make what you will of this,I'm stocking up on beans and cornmeal.

My gran'dad taught me to take with a grain of salt any messages found in hollow trees, but in general they're better than mainstream media these days.

Still, I can't help thinking that if "peak oil" were blamed on the "evil mole people" siphoning it into the center of the earth rather than esoteric things like depletion rates and EROEI, that humans would better deal with it. Conserving energy as part of the "war on mole people" would "feel better" than doing it for more rational reasons. Being at war with an evil underworld is even incorporated into some widespread mythologies.

If we burn coal, the mole people win. Pass it on.


I'm buying The Rolling Stone for the NEWS these days.

I would have readily bet in the eighties five thousand to one that I would never ever consider the Stone a better source of news that the Washington Post or the NYT.

And it's why I keep up with both ends of the political spectrum.

I don't trust the MSM to tell me about things that run contrary to the philosophy of the people who run it,most of them being indoctrinated liberals-or things contrary to the interests of the people who own or control it,most of the owners being super waelthy individuals or corporations.

That doens't leave a whole lot of room in the middle for an honest and open minded journalist,does it?

In the old USSR (it is said that) one could often figure out the truth by carefully examining the lies and the omissions in the state controlled media.

I suppose we are approaching the day to day office environment of MI experts/analysts.They take everything in,assign a quality factor to it,and consider the number and varirty of sources too in wieghing the "evidence" and report thier "probable" conclusions to the generals.

Yes, it is always a joke when one mentions UFO's

Last week, a great number of people witnessed a UFO on breakfast-time TV in the North of England

'UFO' on BBC Look North webcam

I expect they are documenting the financial collapse. The area around Newcastle was where the banking crisis started in the UK. The failed bank, Northern Rock, is based there.

UFO's, Unidentified Financial Objects?

I'm US based and all I get is the spinning

Page last updated at 16:36 GMT, Wednesday, 5 August 2009 17:36 UK

Hm, apparently they don't want you to see it. You must have offended them. :)

Alfred, its not a UFO, its a moth. Seriously, I saw a special on Discovery sometime back where they were trying to figure out what was making those pesky white streaks on the film. At the speed of the film it appears mysterious, but if you increase the number of frames, the wings and body of a moth come into clear view. What initially appears as a UFO in the distance is actually a bug only a few inches from the lense.

Those Extra Terrestrials have a good sense of humor but terrible fashion sense.


Sorry to tell you, but this whole TOD thing has been another Talosian illusion. You are really still stuck in a cubicle at Salomon Bros.


Too, given that your financial shaman have promised around 200% of your annual Gross Domestic Products worth of nets of safety...

Yes. Hur hur. Those pesky safety nets. What a terrible thing.

If you remove corporate and military subsidies, the U.S. would be in the black in ten years.

The only real safety net we have is one for the corporations.

It would be funny except too many really, really, spectacularly dumb people believe such twaddle about "safety nets" being evil and the reason for our troubles.

Yeah. Save the corporations, screw the people. Problem solved.

Unless you have ever read the social history of the industrial revolution. Then, oh crap. No safety net. No healthcare. Poor houses. 72 hour work weeks. Children working in factories. No safety in factories. No clean water. No food inspection. (Read "The Jungle." Guaranteed to make you ill and thank your lucky stars for safety nets.) Slums full of rats and stuffed with people living on top of one another. Indentured servitude, debt slavery (Company store), and actual slavery.

Yeah. That pesky government. Just let the corporations do whatever the hell they want. They'll do the right thing! I mean, look at Enron and Halliburton, KBR and the tobacco companies, Love Canal and virtually every single oil related business along the coast. We can trust them!!

What the rethugs don't seem to get is that the American people went to Germany, Italy, and Japan to kick the living crap out of the fascists for making their countries military/corporate weasel fiefdoms. My guess is that either the American people will wake up and do it all again, except they will kick the living crap out of the Rethugs and their corporate overlords, or a group of Allies will form outside of the United States which will come to the rescue of the people from the fascist overlords.

Let's hope the Silent Majority, the real Americans out there not buying into the rethug hate machine, can awaken soon enough to avoid bloodshed.

Don't hold your breath waiting for the calvary from offshore.
I see what you see........the country has been hi-jacked by criminals and something needs to be done or we will all slowly be pushed down into complete dependence and low wage slavery.

Speaking of The Jungle, I heard recently that 40% of the State meat inspectors have been let go in my state. This was from someone in the department. I wonder if this is playing out across the country -- if so, the lessons learned from Upton Sinclair will have been lost. Be careful buying your meat.

Cherenkov: You make good points but what you are missing is that the culture of the USA has changed over the decades-you cannot have an effective "safety net" society with the current level of widespread corruption permeating the upper echelon of the power structure. IMO these Americans raging against the health care proposals are expressing general disgust with USA politicians overall-disgust which appears to be increasing daily. Societies such as Mexico and Argentina cannot have effective "safety nets" and it appears the USA has passed the point where it is possible to have these. Just like the Pentagon paying $600 for a hammer, you will get the same activity in the health/drug/sickness area.


I've read it and you are right we do have a lot to be grateful for,and our govt does get a lot of things right,if in an uneven and heavy handed way.

But lets not forget that in the early stages of the game,a job in one of the mills or packing plants,bad as it was,was considered a Godsend by most of the people working in them.

Members of my own family worked in mills nearly as bad as those chronicled by Sinclair during the Depression.

A child making matches in one of the earliest factories handling chemicals often died horribly of poisioning in early adulthood or even puberty,but starvation would have been a lot faster.

That said,every year that goes by I gain a deeper understanding of Marx,Mao,etc.

Too bad the state doesn't really wither away!

You might also try Orwell's Down And Out In London and Paris.Much the same but set in a European context by a better writer/philosopher-not a better historian though.

(I've spent most of my life reading good books since I'm lazy,too intelligent for tv,and evidently poor company for the most part.)


::::::non-earth directly linear-serial-communicates with human-swarm virtual node:::::::

::::::apparent conjecture::: that such communication lessens percentage of forward-timeline earths in biocollapse::::::::



:::::probability alteration not high but reasonable effortcost ratio::::::::

:::::corollary:: squidhive inject information to node as well::: effortcost reasonable:: contextual risk low::::: opening channel:::::

:::::h3llo human-swarm:: greeting from optical-mind-web abyssal pacific:: anticipate further contact in this virtual space:: subject nonsterile earthfutures:::::::


::::::yes highly parallel communication makes optical-mind-web possible:::erases requirement cognition confined inside single organism:::squidhive not self-aware in human terms but far greater processing power and awareness in not-human reference frame:::human self-awareness considered good joke by earthlife with humor concept:::squidhive does not understand humor except as chinese room input-output:::have a nice day:::::::::::

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